He Was Awful
by RavieSnake
Summary: Vampires, sexiness, and a jerk who gets himself eaten. Dramione. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters/concepts from it. I make no money from the writing/publishing of this story.**

 **Originally written for #spookyscarydulceween on tumblr. Happy Halloween!**

 **. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

 **.**

 **.**

"I do wish you'd stop that."

Draco paid no attention to the plea and simply stared straight ahead as he continued to obnoxiously puncture his tongue. He pushed it onto his right fang to let the tooth sink in and another dribble of blood trickled down over his lip.

"Why?" he finally asked, pulling his tongue from his tooth. It instantly healed and he threw his father a glare. "It's not as if it really hurts."

He looked away from him again and impaled his tongue on the left fang.

"It's disgusting, Draco," Lucius Malfoy said with a disapproving frown, setting down his breakfast fork.

"Thank you for reminding me," Draco glowered at the goblet on the table directly before him. His tongue moved back to the right fang.

Lucius huffed and looked to his wife. "Cissy, say something…"

Narcissa Malfoy gave her son a tired once over as she delicately chewed her bite of toast. "Wipe your chin," she said after she swallowed.

Draco immediately swiped his robe sleeve over his blood-covered chin. "Better?" he spat sarcastically. His father cringed at the sight of his now stained sleeve.

"And drink your breakfast, darling," Narcissa went on, seeming quite unaffected by her son's surliness, "we must be sure to keep your thirst under control."

"Like I don't know that?" Draco sneered at her.

There was a flash of blue and Draco yelped as the stinging hex hit him.

"You will not speak to your mother in that tone," Lucius said coolly as he lowered his wand back to his lap. "Apologize."

Draco's lip curled over his sharp teeth as he hissed menacingly like a cat at his father. Narcissa rolled her eyes.

"Darlings," she admonished gently, "let's not be nasty."

Draco slumped back in his chair and turned a repentant, if reluctant, look to his mother. "Sorry," he muttered. Narcissa placed a hand to his arm on the table.

"Perhaps a trip to the Ministry will help alleviate your sour mood?" she suggested with a knowing glint in her eye.

Lucius made a disapproving grunt from across the table and Draco smirked.

"Thank you, mother," he said, "I think you may be right."

He started to get up to leave and Narcissa nodded to his goblet. "Drink first," she ordered.

Draco paused and with the slightest of scowls, took up the goblet and hastily drank.

"You had better drink it all. I'll not cover up anymore _hunting_ accidents for you," Lucius warned. Draco set down the now empty goblet and wiped the thick, red residue from his lips before smirking again.

"Yes, you will," he said cheekily. He bent and placed a quick kiss to Narcissa's cheek and then straightened back up with a nod in Lucius's direction. "Father."

Lucius frowned and shook his head as he watched his only son take his leave and disappear into the hall. "I do wish you wouldn't encourage him," he grumbled to his wife when they were alone. Narcissa nipped a bite from her toast and shrugged lightly.

"She makes him happy," she said.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"You know…I thought you were daft when you first mentioned that you preferred the visitors' entrance. Well, I _still_ think you're rather daft, but I must say, Granger, you were on to something. Never a queue here," Zacharias Smith noted as he stepped up to the red phone booth.

Hermione lowered her umbrella and closed it before looking up to reply. "Morning, Smith," she said mechanically, stepping into the phone booth beside the man. She looked straight ahead through a pair of large, black sunglasses as he peered down at her.

"You do realize that it's not raining, yes?" he asked condescendingly. Hermione said nothing as she pressed the buttons on the phone to engage the booth's lift.

"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic," the female voice of the booth answered, "Please state your name and business."

"Hermione Granger and Zacharias Smith reporting for work in the Being Division," Hermione answered flatly.

"Thank you," the voice replied and the lift, after spitting out two name badges with their names and ' _Work in Being Division'_ written on them, lurched to begin descending them below the street surface. Smith cocked an eyebrow at her.

"And you realize that you live in London as well? It's hardly sunny enough to warrant wearing those Muggle monstrosities," he drawled, flicking a finger against the sunglasses still on her face. "You look utterly preposterous. Why do you always dress like you're going to a funeral?"

The muscle in Hermione's jaw ticked as she inhaled a calming breath.

"Don't touch me, Smith," she warned. He laughed and Hermione suddenly gagged loudly. Smith shrunk back against the wall of the booth and wrinkled his nose at her in disgust.

"What the hell's the matter with you, Granger?" he demanded. Hermione shielded her nose and mouth with her glove-covered hand.

"Your breath is atrocious," she mumbled. "Merlin, what did you eat this morning?"

Smith scowled at her. "I didn't have anything. Last thing I ate was dinner last night," he answered, cupping a hand to his mouth to try and smell his own breath. "And I've brushed twice since th-"

"Do you consume putrid rubbish often?" Hermione jabbed, attempting to turn her head as far as she could.

"I'd hardly call shrimp scampi putrid rub-," Smith started defensively, but Hermione didn't bother waiting to listen to the rest of his explanation as she bolted from the booth the moment it stopped. Smith walked out and frowned after her as he made his way to their offices behind her.

"You've always been an odd bird," he snipped at her when they finally reached their offices and he began to unlock his door. "I've put up with all your _equal rights for all beings_ bullshit, but if you keep on acting like a nutter, I might just have to finally file a report of inquiry against you."

Hermione said nothing as she unlocked her own office door right beside his and flung herself inside. She slammed the door shut and then simply stood in the dark room.

"Arsehole," she muttered to the pitch black that surrounded her.

She sighed heavily as she removed her sunglasses from her face and tucked them into the bag hanging over her arm. She moved effortlessly through the dark and hung the bag and her umbrella on a coat rack and then swiftly tugged off her gloves and shucked off her long, dark grey coat from her shoulders. After hanging it next to her bag, Hermione turned and pulled her wand from her robes. A quick flick of it ignited flames within several sconces on her walls to illuminate the room in a warm, low light.

She cast a quick glance around her office and with another sigh, seated herself behind her desk. She pulled a blood pop from a side drawer and stuck it in her mouth with a satisfied moan before taking up a quill and lowering her head over a file to begin her day's work.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Draco pulled the hood of his cloak far over his head and squinted his eyes severely against the brightness of the street as he stepped up to the Ministry phone booth.

He tugged the cloak tight around himself and then reached a gloved hand forward to dial. The female voice sounded asking him his name and purpose of visit and Draco glanced around himself before answering it.

"Draco Malfoy," he said. "I'm here to fuck my girlfriend."

"Thank you," the voice replied, producing a name badge. Draco picked it up and smirked down at it.

 _Draco Malfoy_

 _'Seeking Coitus'_

He removed his gloves and then proudly pinned the badge to the front of his robes as the lift lowered.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Hermione dropped the empty stick of her second finished lolly into the rubbish bin beside her desk just as a knock sounded at her office door.

"Enter," she called out.

The door opened at once and a dark, cloaked figure slipped into the room without a word. Hermione smiled as her visitor shut the door.

"We really must buy you a cloak that doesn't make you look quite so much like a Dementor," she said.

Draco lowered his hood. "Well, I am seeking someone to kiss," he joked. He cocked an eyebrow at Hermione. "Care to be my victim?"

She sniffed in amusement and tilted her head to the side to reveal the expanse of her neck. "Already was," she reminded, pointing to the two, tiny puncture scars at her jugular.

Draco chuckled. "That was a fun night," he reminisced fondly.

"For you, maybe," she snorted. "All I remember was falling asleep and then waking up with a migraine."

"You're the one that begged me to do it."

Hermione opened her desk drawer to pull out two more blood pops. "Well, I couldn't very well let the man I love spend eternity alone, now could I?" she said, standing and walking to meet him in the center of the room. She rose up on her toes and kissed him gently. "Morning," she greeted adoringly, lowering herself again. She held out one of the red treats to Draco and he smirked as he took it.

"Still craving these?" he inquired.

Hermione nodded. "They keep me from killing Smith," she said.

Draco chuckled. "I'm surprised that fucker's lasted this long. Why don't you just let me drain him for you?"

She shrugged. "Trust me, I've considered it…but it's too risky. He's too closely associated with me. If he were discovered, there'd be questions… investigations, and I'd be one of the first people they'd come to see. Even if they didn't pin his death on me, they could still figure out what I am. And I don't particularly desire a round-the-clock babysitter…nor a stake through the heart. Do you?"

"They'd never find him," Draco said casually as he took a lick off his lolly.

"That'd be just as bad," Hermione shook her head. "They'd still investigate a disappearance."

"Trust me," he said, shaking his head lightly back, "no one'll miss him enough to bother to look very hard."

Hermione merely hummed affirmatively in response, her own blood pop now in her mouth. She happened a glance at Draco's name badge and choked.

"Draco!" she laughed, smacking him on the shoulder. "You did not seriously tell the booth you'd come to the Ministry for coitus…?"

He grinned around his treat, his fangs glinting from the firelight of her office. "No, I didn't. I believe my exact words were 'I'm here to fuck my girlfriend'," he said after pulling the sweet from his mouth with a pop.

Hermione's eyes bugged and she slapped at him again. "Draco!"

He laughed. "What? 'S'true."

"You can't say that's why you're here!"

"Can and did," he countered, booping her on the nose with his lolly leaving a droplet of blood-swirled saliva on the tip of it. Hermione's eyes went solid black in an instant.

"Get this off my nose," she demanded in a low voice.

Draco took a slow, deliberate step closer before bowing his head and licking the drop from her skin with a long swipe of his tongue.

"Better?" he inquired silkily, lifting his head.

Hermione wrinkled her wet nose and then gave him a taunting grin. "I can think of better places for you to put your tongue," she said.

In a move so fast he blurred, Draco slammed Hermione into the nearest wall, his hand over her throat. She bared her fangs at him and hissed loudly when he brought his face even to hers, his eyes gone ebony as well.

Draco's nostrils flared as he bore down on her. "I can too," he said in a low growl that rumbled into a keening groan in his chest. "Fuck, I wish I could drain you again," he added before pushing his face to her jugular. "Delicious…"

Hermione's eyes fluttered shut as Draco proceeded to lick up the length of her neck, but her right hand found its way to the back of his head. Her fingers curled into his blond strands and yanked.

Draco's head snapped back with the force of the action and his resulting roar made Hermione visibly quiver.

"Gods, I love when you play rough," he said to her, his fangs elongating, and raw lust oozing from every pore of his face.

"We should probably cast a silencing charm," Hermione suggested, licking her lips.

Draco chuckled darkly. "Goddamn right."

The office door suddenly swung open and they both shot their heads up to see Smith letting himself in.

"Granger," he said irritably, his head down as he scowled at a parchment in his hand, "did you approve this absurd proposal to allow werewolves the right to…"

The rest of Smith's sentence went abandoned at once when he finally looked up to see Draco and Hermione both staring at him with their black eyes. He blinked at the rather terrifying sight of their bared, extended fangs and then spun on his heel to try and bolt back out the door.

But he only found himself face to face with Draco.

Smith spluttered in surprise and alarm and took a step back. Draco smirked and winked at the man. "Vampires can run fast," he taunted.

Smith's eyes were bugged out, and he reached for his wand.

"And have quick fingers," Draco added, holding up Smith's wand and twirling it idly.

Smith stood there, frozen with fear until Hermione silently came up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. The resulting shriek that came from the man echoed around the room.

Draco laughed as Smith shrugged harshly away from Hermione's touch and flattened himself against the nearest wall.

"Don't! Don't you come any closer!" Smith demanded desperately when both Draco and Hermione took a step toward him.

"I'm not entirely sure I want to," Draco replied, pinching his nose in a dramatic fashion, "what with you reeking as you do."

"He had garlic last night," Hermione informed him. Draco's lip pulled up in disgust.

"Ugh…his blood's going to taste like shit."

Said blood drained from Smith's face at that comment. "No! You-you…you can't! I-I-I…I promise. I won't tell. I won't tell anybody. Just…just let me go," he pleaded. "You can… you can even Obliviate me! Please!"

Draco looked back at Hermione. "What do you say, love of mine? You're the one with qualms about killing the unwilling. Shall I just Obliviate him and we can get back on with our… _business_?"

Hermione tapped a finger to her chin as she appeared to contemplate her options. "He did sort of threaten to report me earlier…" she said, brow furrowed in mock thought.

Smith's breathing became erratic. "Granger!" he begged. "Granger, I won't tell anyone. Let me go, and I'll forget this whole thing. I won't tell anyone that you really are a freak."

Draco was on him before the man could take another blink. Smith's arms flailed and his feet kicked helplessly as he watched his own blood spray over the side of Draco's pale face. Hermione remained where she stood and simply watched Draco devour her co-worker. She smiled when a last pitiful gurgle escaped Smith's mouth just before he was dropped to the ground in a lifeless heap, but schooled the smile into a disappointed pout when Draco turned back to face her, crimson dripping over his angular features.

"You didn't let me finish my deliberation," she whined.

Draco licked at his lips. "No one gets to call my mate a freak and live," he said.

"You call me a freak all the time," she countered with a brow raised in challenge.

"Not in the same context. And technically I'm already dead," he pointed out, tossing aside Smith's wand. He stuck out his tongue and pulled at it with his fingers as if to wipe away an unpleasant taste. "Blagh. Fuck, he was awful."

Hermione rolled her eyes good-naturedly, but then sighed. "I did warn you." She put her hands on her hips and turned her attention back to Smith's body on her office floor. "This is a problem."

"You worry too much," Draco said. "It will be fine like always. Just transfigure the body for now and I'll have my father take care of it this afternoon." He stepped up to her and wrapped his arms about her waist. "Now, where were we?"

Hermione let a sly grin slide back into place as she settled her arms around his neck. She bit her lower lip in one of her pearly fangs and glanced to Draco's name badge. "I believe you were 'seeking coitus'?"

Draco leered down at her. "Quite right," he said.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **2 weeks later**

Hermione hastily stuffed her half-eaten blood pop into her desk drawer when a knock sounded at her office door.

"Enter," she called out. A moment later an unfamiliar Auror was standing before her. She gave him a very professional, close-mouthed smile. "What can I do for you today, Auror…?"

"Sagewyck," the man answered.

Hermione nodded demurely. "Auror Sagewyck…"

He glanced around her office a moment and then met her inquiring gaze. "Ms…Granger, is it? I'm sorry to disturb you, but I've been tasked with investigating the disappearance of your former co-worker…a Zacharias Smith. It seems he hasn't been heard from in some time. Might you happen to have any information about where he may have gone?"

Hermione shook her head lightly. "I'm afraid I don't. We rarely interacted despite our close working quarters. I only ever saw him in the mornings when he'd arrive. To be honest he was often quite rude and so I generally tried to avoid him. An odd sort, that one."

The Auror hummed in apparent agreement and nodded. "Yes, I'm hearing that from most of the people I've interviewed." He darted his eyes around as if looking to make sure they were alone before leaning forward to whisper at Hermione, "Between you and me, miss… I don't think the nutter's worth finding."

Hermione made a face that suggested that she rather agreed and Sagewyck smiled at her as he stood to his full height and straightened his robes.

"Well, then, Ms. Granger, I believe that's all I have for you." He tipped an invisible hat to her. "Good day."

She nodded back and the man exited without another word. Hermione grinned at the door and then opened her desk drawer to retrieve her treat which she promptly stuck in her mouth and picked up her quill to resume her work.

"I told you everything would be fine," Draco said, looking up at her from where he was knelt between her legs under her desk. Hermione leaned back and frowned down at him.

"Who said you could stop?" she asked tersely. Draco merely returned an impish smirk before burying his face back under her skirt.


End file.
